A Forward-Minded Generation!!

Posted in Criticism, Satire with tags , , , , on October 18, 2007 by Tony Sebastian

Have you ever received absolutely irritating and irrelevant forwards that bug you beyond death and make you feel like all the intelligent life in the universe has just migrated to mars? Oh wait aren’t you the moron who sent me the forward in the first place?

Well you know what I am talking about, those ridiculous forwards generated by totally jobless pranksters who just want to have a laugh, which are forwarded by dense morons who skipped the brain servings in heaven because the queue was too long before they set their dumbasses on the planet.

The kinds that go like :

My grandma in Somalia hasn’t eaten in three days because Somalia has no supply of food grains. Kindly forward this message to everyone you know so that she can eat the enormous amount of pointless data that will get circulated.

Or the ones that say

Forward this message to 12 people at 12 in the night and 12 beautiful girls will tell you how good you look.

(C’mon you can’t blame me for forwarding that one 😉 the closest I’ve gotten is “Its good to look ugly da” and a comparison of my appearance to some ridiculous looking tree, near the CSE department, by two members of the fairer sex. Well the forwarding really worked. Next day, a dozen female pigs chased me from the 14th block till we parted ways half the way to the mess!)

Anyway you get the drift. The last straw was when I got the “get Kalam back” forward. Incessant forwarding of the same mail by a million people drove me up the wall to say the least. The essence of the mail was that since Kalam was a very great president, it was our duty to get him back to office by submitting a petition on Lolappan Chettan’s website designed by his son Mandan Kunju who had just learned HTML! This would cause the scales to fall from the eyes of all the politicians in India and Kalam would be gloriously reinstated!

I was happily rotting away in my room today, as jobless as Stuart Broad after bowling to Yuvraj (that is to say I was merely staring at the sky and hoping that an alien space ship would appear from somewhere and brighten up the day). Pretty much laidback you could say and no pun intended either! Sigh!

So well my phone beeps and I see a dumb message which goes on to say if I forward it to 10 other Vodafone users, I would get 75 mins absolutely free! Not surprising that this message was forwarded to me by the same numbskull-fairer-sex-ians who called me ugly and compared me to a tree (as if we didn’t know they were dumb enough already!).

Bored beyond irritation, I set about to test if the rest of the world was dumb enough. Immediately I made up a message (which many of you imbecilic jackasses forwarded with great fervour may I add?) which reads as follows

Today, 21st September, is the Vodafone (formerly hutch) pug’s birthday. On this joyous occasion, we would like to reward our esteemed customers. Night calls between 10 pm and 6 am will be made free for everyone who forwards this message to 10 other Vodafone users today. You will have this offer till September 29th, which is when the pug was baptized.

(If in spite of the capitalization, making bold and italic of some letters a bell dosen’t ring in the peanut you pass off for a brain, it stands for the name of the author of the message – TONY .)

Well it apparently wasn’t a very smart thing to do as my phone keeps beeping twice a minute with the same dumb message and its nearly four in the morning and I honestly can’t sleep!

so here I am begging you

PLEASE STOP FORWARDING DUMB MESSAGES YOU MORON!

RAILWoeS II – The Departed ;)

Posted in Criticism, funny with tags , , , , on October 10, 2007 by Tony Sebastian

// Published in the jammag issue dated 15-29 May 2007, Vol 12, No: 16 

 

First time readers of the blog check out Railwoes I before reading this….

The train departed from the station as I fished out the 200 bucks from my wallet and handed it over. He was staring into the distance, and without moving his gaze, slipped the cash into a concealed pocket. For an instant he reminded me of a kitten lapping up milk from a bowl with its eyes closed, thereby supposedly blinding the world. One closer look at him and the kitten image was a thing of the past, and I’m not saying what follows because he took 200 bucks from me. :-“

He was wearing what appeared to be linen from an Egyptian mummy patched up pretty badly in the form of a wannabe white pair of trousers, a shirt which someone had doubtlessly puked on and a coat that had faded so much that even Leonardo Da Vinci wouldn’t be able to say what colour it had originally been. His hair was much like the Amazon undergrowth, and his facial hair looked like the bristles of an overly used toothbrush. Whether he was an ambassador of the surf excel ‘daag ache hain’ campaign I couldn’t tell, but he sure could be!

Using my superiorly developed intellect and deduction skills and due to sheer lack of something better to do, I figured out an explanation. We start with the saying by a great Greek philosopher “Greedy people are also stingy.” Don’t raise your eyebrows now there was a Greek philosopher who said that. What you think you know them all you conceited clown? Humph!

So here is what happened – as usual Mr. Thamarakshan Thazhe Edayil (um lets just call him TTE for short) woke up at 4 in the morning and squeezed the toothpaste tube which had served him well for three years. He used a little extra that day, what the hell thought him, the expiry date finished last week. After putting on his clothes sans the coat, he jumped into Mr. Shallow Joseph’s banana field and (b)lithely made his way over to the scarecrow, stripped it off the coat it was wearing, put it on and away he came to work. Ah elementary isn’t it? All it requires is a little logical reasoning. If someone from Scotland Yard is reading this, Thanks for the offer, but sorry I’m not interested 😉

With a heavy stomach, a light wallet and the satisfaction of solving the case without so much as lifting a finger, I settled down into my special seat. That’s when the kid next to me thought it might be fun to spill some motta curry on my new pair of jeans. Since it was the 2nd of Jan and one of my New Year resolutions included not screaming at kids who spill egg curry on my new pair of jeans, I smiled- to say I was composure personified wouldn’t be stretching the truth. I got up to wash myself, but the composure was broken when I heard the kid wail “waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! How do I eat the appam without curry?” Sheesh!!!

Soon Naveen got in, and after sheepishly explaining to him the predicament we were in and praying in the back of my mind that one of his New year resolutions included not beating up friends who screw up train reservations, I tried to show him the bright side – we had a berth till Gudur where we were supposed to reach at 3, but since it was the Indian railways, we’d reach there only by about 5 (one would think!)

After some casual banter and the passing of Chennai central, I decided to call it a night and promptly slept at midnight. I had a pretty cool dream in Technicolor with commentary by Martin Tyler “ Manchester United have just completed the treble under their new owner and here is the captain handing over the trophy to Tony Sebastian… what a dream ….” And then it happened. The idiotic captain dropped the UEFA champions league trophy on my head! I was ready to fire him when I felt another impact on my head.

I forced my eyelids open and saw a little girl who was knee high to a grasshopper banging my head and singing the chorus of the sutta song and followed it up with other pleasantries. HINDIcapped though I may be, I knew she didn’t say “ What Ho! Lovely night eh?” I jumped out of her berth asking her to spare my life. I checked the watch, it was 1:30 in the morning and sure enough, we’d reached Gudur!

Mr. TTE I hope Shallow Joseph gets you with a shotgun next time you sneak into his farm!

I looked around and saw at least a 100 people and all of them seemed to know each other. I guessed a whole village was migrating. One of them passed by me and let’s just say I got a whiff of the reason as to why they were moving – Water shortage or may be even a lack of bathing bars!

Naveen and I sat on either side of his suitcase illustrating the proverb “ Oruma undenkil ulakka melum kidakkam” which translates to “if you’ve got a buffalo, you can recline on a stick”. Oops! Sorry eruma is buffalo, oruma is unity! Make the appropriate changes will you? Thanks.

Sleep deprived as we were, we recounted our tales of woe. Naveen told me how the chick we saw the previous week at the movies was Ms. South India or summat and that her name was Shana. She sure was a hottie, but then she was with a guy chiselled out of stone. Is that all gals care about? We wondered. I mean have you ever seen a gal go “oooooooooh he’s so hot, he makes cryptic crosswords!” well if you have, mail me the details at tony.crossie@gmail.com 😉

The train stopped almost as soon as it started. And we lay there not more than 10 metres after Gudur station for TWO HOURS! If I get my hands on that Coelho dude who said something about the universe conspiring in your favour I’ll, I’ll…..aaaaaaaaaaaaaargggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!

1000 mosquito bites, one broken back and a badly aching butt later, it was dawn. I caught Jijo ( a fellow college mate) by the collar and dragged him out of his berth and promptly crashed. I caught up on the dream “ Manchester United have the ball now. It’s a brilliant move, Smith to SHAAAAAAANNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! OH! BEAUTIFUL G(O)AL!!”

Life’s a B.tech!! ;)

Posted in funny, Published with tags , , , , on May 8, 2007 by Tony Sebastian

“who says nothing is impossible?

I’ve done nothing all my life!”

-Found on a t-shirt sported by a NITian

It was a lovely October morning, the first rays of sun filtered through the leaves fluttering gently in the slow breeze, shining down on the peaceful populace below, the clouds strewn about in happy confusion like cotton candy on a smiling child’s face. The grass with fresh dew drops was an emerald chain with tiny embedded diamonds. The lark was on its wing, the snail was on its thorn and yours truly was snoring away to glory! 😀

WHOA! I can hear people say… or is it WTF? I can see the more hyperactive and/or sincere reader jump out of his seat, and there’s a lawyer getting ready to sue me. And yeah I know the question on all of your minds, the most painfully obvious one… “Tony, how on earth do you know the nature was all hunky-dory if you were licking Lindt in lullaby land? “ Simple, I don’t 😀 but with a bit of pleading, the sun, the leaves, the clouds (took a little bit longer there. Apparently clouds don’t like cotton candy, but nothing that a 500 rupee not couldn’t settle 😉 Sigh the pains I go through to give you classy litter-ature!), the breeze, the grass, the snail and the lark have all agreed to corroborate my story, so if you got a lawsuit honey, I say bring it on!

Well before this endeavour of mine meanders hopelessly off course, its my duty of course to bring us back to where we were n continue with what I’m trying to say. After all, they say time is money and I really shouldn’t waste so much of yours by making you read stuff that has nothing to do with anything. Although, that being said, I don’t think time or money is your most pressing problem at this stage. If you are still reading this, I strongly recommend you visit a shrink. Oh boy this is fun, I get to subject you to torture and I also get to abuse you! Why on earth didn’t I blog for so long! Alright alright, Don’t scream, I’ll get back! Sheesh can’t a guy do a little bit of um er ok please don’t throw stuff now, that’s really mean.

So where were we? Oh yeah diamond clouds & cotton candy on grass…ahem isn’t that what I said? Oh forget it! The important thing is, I was sleeping. As I slowly dug the sand out of my eyes and ventured to cleanse my dentures, the time was 9:55 AM. Nair was already getting hyper, and when I returned, he was positively screaming! “Dude its 10:05! Let’s go! “ said he. “Why what’s the hurry?” said I. “um we’re late? “ “ oh! What about the 8-10 class?” I enquired. “Cancelled”. “Nice! God bless Ravindar. Ok lets go half an hour late its Elmer Fudd’s class” ( for the uninitiated Elmer Fudd is the nickname for a department prof who looks like, well, Elmer Fudd! I mean it would be pretty stupid if we nicknamed him Elmer Fudd and he looked like someone else right? C’mon people! Please be a little sharper! Yup! Blogging is fun 😀 ) “ Are you out of your mind? “ Nair said. “hey it’s a bet. Loser’s pay at Nescafe” I said…

This is the way we go to class, go to class, go to class, this is the way we go to class so early in the…. Um… afternoon 😀

Fudd let us in at 10:30AM with a reminder that we weren’t there to watch a football match. Duh! I’d take my seat half an hour before the preview show if it were a football match! As proficient as the profs were at putting us to sleep, today was different, I was ROTFL!! Coz this was on the board.


Yes in bright white on a green board was written ASS ASS and BUTT JOINT!!! People who think I’m bluffing can check Ranjana’s notes to confirm or just ask her she’ll tell you the chapter, page, figure number and anything else you need to know. Besides it isn’t that improbable because according to the prof, ASS stands for Austenitic Stainless Steel. I don’t care I’m ROTFL.

Up next was negative (M.Hanumantha Rao I think, but well he’s got a black face, and white hair…photographic negative, you get the drift) And if you think we’re mean kids who just like to insult our profs with cruel nicknames, you are partially right. But it is more often than not necessary when you consider insanely, ridiculously long gult names!! Sample this… G.V.S Nageshwar Rao (I’m not expandin GVS coz I’ll exceed the character limit on this blog!) or GHSLV Prasad Rao. Sigh! And people think mallus have weird names! Oh wait, *scratches head* mallus do have weird names! I mean think of the greatest politician alive in Kerala who on forming a party on his own found it apt to name it Democratic Indira Congress (Kerala) or for short DICK!! Since he’s the leader, I guess we can call him DICKHEAD!! And the ridiculous obsession for the syllable JO is beyond me, I mean AJO , BIJO, CIJO, DIJO, EIJO, FIJO, GIJO, HIJO, IJO,JIJO, KIJO, LIJO, MIJO, NIJO, OIJO, PIJO, QIJO, RIJO, SIJO, TIJO, UIJO, VIJO, WIJO, XIJO, YIJO, ZIJO are all probable names of mallus you know! Oh and you can also mostly substitute JO with JI and get names of other mallus you know! And take for example Lousy! Yup Lousy is the name of a mallu gal! or how about Sissy? Man! why on earth are parents so cruel?? You think that is bad, well I just saved the best (or worst) for the last; this is the name of my friend’s friend who happens to be an unfortunate girl – Titty Thomas. No comments.

Enough meandering for a post I suppose, back to the topic ( if such a thing exists anymore on this post!). so well Negative walked in and promptly put us all to sleep, however only to awaken us with this “ My specimen is only 1cm long, so even if I quench it in oil, I cannot attain complete hardening!” ROTFLMAO!!! I could visualise next day’s newspaper headline “ Negative’s specimen trumps Fudd’s Butt!” This was the same prof who in last weeks lab class, checked my sketches and commented (I swear on my honour I’m quoting him verbatim) “ This is ok but next time, you ask the girls to show you their specimens, so that you can compare your specimen with theirs and understand the difference. If they say no, no we can’t show it to you, tell them I told you to ask and then they will show you their specimens”. No comments. And letters to the author seeking explanation or description of any kind of specimens will not be entertained 😉

By the time I stopped laughing the class ended and we got to know that the lab in the afternoon was cancelled. 10 Friends episodes, coffee at Nescafe (during which it was calculated that an engg student studies approximately 5 minutes, yes that’s right 5 minutes on an average a day! Priya Venkateshan said it perfectly -Engineering is a four year holiday!) , dinner at the dhaba and a coupla games of FIFA on LAN later, I joined Vibhu and Nair as they were trying to finish NFS Carbon which had arrived the day before. “dude don’t we have a lab end sem exam tomorrow? “ Nair asked… everyone was perplexed for a moment before Sarvesh came up with the inspirational winner “ One exam isn’t going to alter the course of my destiny! “

Onwards to Darius and the canyon duel!

“I’ve always thought there were two kinds of people, those who went screaming to their exams and those who went silently… then i met a third kind….”

Life as we know it… sigh!!

Posted in Criticism, Philosophical, Published with tags , , , on July 25, 2006 by Tony Sebastian

Well there I was, in Bangalore, and quite inevitably in a CCD outlet, waiting for a rendezvous with a very close friend. I had been a little early and I had enough time to wonder, what made these coffee outlets so popular in this city? I looked through the menu and my heart sank. Kaapi Nirvana – winner of the silver medal at the Barista coffee championships, coffee for a mere 72 bucks (plus VAT of course)! Some quick math told me that would add up to around 25 cups of coffee in the IISc tea board. That was a little far fetched wasn’t it? Yet I had seen at least 50 CCDs in Bangalore in 2 days and always full of people. I looked around and concluded 65% of the people were there because it looked ‘cool’, 15% came there to score with chicks, 15% because it was convenient to have a chat there, may be 5% because they wanted coffee.

I realized the easiest way to make money would be to start a chain of coffee shops in a big city, give it a “cool” name, get some good demographics, play a little music, charge people in Dollars (that made it look cooler), give names to coffee like kalapila (kalapila in Malayalam means a mixture of noises) n give it a caption like ‘a boisterous blend of exorbitant flavours bound to satiate the coffee connoisseur’ or call it photocoffee – “picture perfect coffee that will leave a lasting image in your mind”, (I don’t know about the mind, but I definitely know it will on your wallet!), Charge them $2 or 3 per coffee… aah I would be rich in no time. To take advantage of man’s need to be cool was so easy. Now I know why Al Pacino, who plays the devil, in “The Devil’s Advocate”, says “vanity is my favourite sin”.

Before the devil could possess me and my vanity, my friend came in and unwrapped a huge bundle of “sorry”s for being late. We ordered cappuccino and mousse au chocolate (oh yes, how could I forget that, some dishes would have Italian and French names, that added to the “cool” factor like nothing else). She told me about how the bus got stuck in a traffic jam and how the girl sitting next to her had told that she studied in “Queen Am’s “college. Upon further enquiry, she got to know that the name of the college was actually “Maharani Lakshmi Ammani College for women” but obviously that name was modified because it wasn’t cool enough. Oh boy I should start the coffee shop right in front of that college!!

It was definitely there, the need to be cool, or may be the appreciation of artificiality. It is a fact, being factitious is in vogue. It was unconscious mostly, but it was there undoubtedly. We have lost our appreciation of nature, of flowers, of rainbows. As The Camerlengo says in “Angels and Demons” ‘our sunsets have been reduced to wavelengths and frequencies’. Take for instance an incident that happened in my lab one day. Thara held up a beaker with the most beautiful looking crystal I had seen. I was awestruck. I went to take a closer look. “It’s beautiful isn’t it? And it’s only water!” I stood looking at it unable to say anything, for true beauty always silenced you. Lokesh, the senior I liked best in the lab because he was very down to earth, and very helpful, came there and said. “It’s an impurity”. I turned to look at him. “Yes” he carried on “Raoult’s law of depression in freezing point. The area around the impurity froze before the water did.” IMPURITY- that’s what it was… not something stupendously beautiful, not a miracle of nature; but an impurity – and that coming from the mildest man in the group.

Let me tell you a couple more examples. My mom had an orchid garden till a while ago. One day she cut out a flawless spike of orchids and placed them in a vase in the living room. A neighbour, who walked in, stared at it in awe and remarked. “It looks so beautiful, tell me really it’s artificial isn’t it?” The last time I went to a park and was looking at a truly beautiful horizon, I heard a kid ask his dad “Daddy doesn’t it look beautiful? It looks like a painting!” Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way round???? Not anymore I guess.

There is a shop right across our house, hardly 10 metres of road separating both. On all my shopping chores I always used to run to and from the shop ever since I was a kid. I do it even now. On my way to the coffee shop that day, in a moment of nostalgia, I had run along the pavement, with my arms outstretched, the breeze blowing in my face. A group of people down the road were staring at me and laughing at the unbelievably dumb thing this 19 year old imbecile was doing. I guess one no longer has that freedom to run like that without being laughed at, except of course if he has scored a goal in a world cup or taken a wicket in a cricket match. Only then you were allowed to be happy, only then you could show it openly. For what is there to be so happy about a simple sunny day? A picture flashed before my eyes, a scene from friends, where Rachel calls Phoebe a cross between Kermit the frog and the six million dollar man because she runs ‘weird’, and is ashamed to go running with her anymore. I think what Phoebe tells Rachel should be a lesson to all of us,

she says “That’s okay Rachel. I’m not judging you; that’s just who you are (uptight). Me. I’m more free y’know? I run like I did when I was a kid, cause that’s the only way it’s fun. Y’know, I mean didn’t you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off? Y’know, like when you were like running towards the swings or running away from Satan? (Rachel looks confused) The neighbor’s dog. “

 

If we sit down and reflect a moment we’ll know it’s true. If we sit down again and think a little more, we’ll find out that we can never do it.

Our order arrived at this point. I was a little frustrated because after two days in IISc, I hadn’t really started working on my project – nanoparticles. But then I saw the plate and smiled… there lying right in front, on my plate was my first encounter with a nanoparticle AKA mousse au chocolate (its only 50 bucks plus VAT mind you)… “Did you know Aarti got a 1510 in GRE? “My friend asked me. “Whoa she must be one helluva gal” I blurted out. I had never really met or talked to her, but I said she must be good, that is how much the system had corrupted me, all of us perhaps. For we were no different than convicts in jail, all of us were mere numbers. Your board exam score in 10th standard was your number for a while. Then it became your rank in the entrance exam, then it was your GPA in college, then your GRE score, and then later your salary – Your number the yardstick for how good you were.

I tried to put forward my preposterous theory to my friend. I asked her why we couldn’t be more relaxed and enjoy simple things in life. I remember quoting W.H. Davies too “what is life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare? “. She looked at me for a while. “I thought you wanted to make it big in life.” “I do”, I said “Well then leave the philosophy to others. We are already behind the race the way I see it. We use too much of bad English, we are a little too complacent already, when you are some big chap in a big company, you can’t sit slouched like that. Your company will fire you the next instant.” She went on with reasons, earnestly, sincerely, she was trying to help me…for lack of anything better to do I picked up the mousse… nearly… “Dude I prefer eating it with my hand too, but somewhere down the line you’ll have to use a fork and knife, you might as well start now.” She smiled “Leave Howard Roark et all to the books “I picked up my fork and knife. And I smiled. I didn’t know what to make of it all… but I smiled…The mousse may well leave my wallet and my stomach empty, but it gave me food for thought…something to feed my starving blog.

long time!!

Posted in arbit on June 15, 2006 by Tony Sebastian


jus found this hilarious pic wen i was searchin for a disp pic.i’m a beckham fan but this was too funny. i cant find the same pic now, so i got the two separate ones n put em together. not as good as the one i saw ,but good enuf to elicit a laugh i spose..

The pic on the left is beckham’s shocker of a penalty miss against Turkey..n the cute guy on the right is beckhams first son brooklyn…

cheers ppl
keep smiling

Istanbul Revisited – Total deja vu

Posted in Uncategorized on May 14, 2006 by Tony Sebastian

No I never went to Turkey, its just a modest attempt at trying to be a sports journalist. I wanted to become a presenter till i was made painfully aware of my “horrible mallu accent” 😦 so here goes nothin…
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The average football fan, who happened to miss the 125th FA Cup final between Liverpool and West Ham United wouldn’t be surprised if he was told that Liverpool were crowned champions. But the title of this post would be enough to tell him that he had missed a real classic. Who could forget that night in Istanbul about the same time last year when Liverpool won the finals of the champions’ league against AC Milan – A story that truly deserved the status of a fairy tale. For the ignorant, Liverpool beat a Milan side, who were leading by 3 goals to nil after 53 minutes. As described by the Milan manager 6 minutes of madness saw Liverpool draw level at the end of the hour mark, pulling back 3 goals. The game was pushed into extra time and subsequently into the dreaded penalty shootout were the Liverpool goal keeper Jerzy Dudek made himself a hero and Liverpool were crowned champions of Europe in the most extraordinary fashion.

No one would have ever dared to predict a close FA cup final this time around with the in form Liverpool expected to beat the Hammers by many goals. But as has been the case with Liverpool in recent cup finals, the truth is undoubtedly stranger than the wildest fiction. While the omens seemed to favour Liverpool that day in Istanbul, even Paulo Coelho’s Alchemist would have had a tough time deciphering the ones at The Millennium with fortunes swinging one way this moment and the other way the next. As Andrew Leci aptly summed it up at the end of 90 minutes “If you have just joined us on star sports, where on earth have you been!”
The atmosphere at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff was nothing short of electric but the first 20 minutes of the match was rather uneventful. And then suddenly the game came alive with Ashton’s pass finding Lionel Scaloni, who had made a brilliant run on the right wing. The Argentine defender’s low driven cross was put into the back of the Liverpool net by Jamie Carragher rather unfortunately. West Ham were leading Liverpool by a goal!! Who would have predicted that at the end of 20 minutes?
An own goal in the finals of the FA cup is not something you want to remember for long, but it appeared Jamie would be haunted by it for a long time as seven minutes later Ashton found the back of the Liverpool net again as Etherington who twisted and turned efficiently to dodge three Liverpool defenders and got a shot on target. It had no real power on it but Reina fumbled giving Ashton, whose predatorial instincts showed, the simple job of stabbing the ball into the net with his right foot. Two Liverpool players wishing they were dead now, the hammers were ahead by 2-0 and most betters were pulling their hair out.

Was that to be Liverpool’s wake up call? It certainly seemed so although the luck seemed to be going against them. As a fabulous ball from the midfield found Peter Crouch, who finished efficiently, but the linesman played party pooper. The captain Steven Gerrard seemed to be in inspired form, playing in the middle of midfield rather than on the right, and it was his lovely, measured ball that put Liverpool back in the game. Djibril Cisse who may have a funny hairstyle and weird shoes ( He was wearing a red shoe on one leg and a silver one on the other, and a pair of fluorescent yellow shoes in the second half!) showed why he is indeed a great footballer. A perfectly timed low struck volley gave Shaka Hislop no chance. Liverpool were back in it now, 2-1 the score. That’s how it finished at the end of the first half with the hammers still overjoyed.

West ham continued to play positive football after the break and had quite a few close chances. But when west ham captain Reo-Coker fouled Riise in the 52nd minute, Liverpool pushed many forward and a cross from Alonso, who was deemed fit to play in the morning, was headed back in to the centre of the penalty box by Sami Hyypia. The ball bounced well for Steven Gerrard who was in acres of space inside the box and the result as usual was a goal for Liverpool, the hammers’ goal keeper was nowhere close to the England international’s scorching shot. 2-2 the score, Liverpool back level.

The drama wouldn’t end there as 10 minutes later, Paul Konchesky was on the left wing for west ham and his intended cross sailed into the top right corner of the Liverpool goal, Reina the culprit again – totally misjudging the ball. The hammers were back in front and seemed well on their way to victory until the 90th minute, when a sporting west ham player put the ball out close to his goal as Cisse had gone down with what appeared to be a hamstring strain. Both managers had used their quota of subs and Cisse had no choice but to carry on.

The subsequent throw in for Liverpool was taken and the ball was given back to west ham in fairplay. The west ham defender’s clearance was met with a header by Danny Gabbidson. The announcer in the stadium was midway through “There will be a minimum of four minutes….” When Gabbidsons header fell at Gerrard’s feet. Cometh the hour, Cometh the man they say. And Gerrard did just that. The Liverpool captain’s screaming shot from 30 yards out went through a crowd of players and into the bottom left corner of the west ham goal.

The game would go into extra time with players undoubtedly tired from 90 minutes of scintillating football played at an unbelievable pace. Cisse seemed to be in agony , Marlon Harewood twisted his left ankle but carried on bravely. The first period of the extra time was uneventful with the best chances falling to Riise and Hyypia both shots sailed wide off the mark. Then in the 118th minute, west ham had a great chance with a free kick as Bobby Zamora was brought down on the left wing. The free kick was taken and who was to be at the end of it but west ham’s captian Reo-Coker -A great header that seemed destined for goal until Reina decided it was time to turn from blunder boy to wonder boy, His slight touch deflecting the ball on to the post. The clearance from Hyypia was only as far as an injured Harewood in the penalty box but his shot was off target. Two missed chances foe the hammers in virtually the last minute.

The game moved into the dreaded penalty shootout with Reina emerging the hero for Liverpool- Pulling three fine saves- A cruel way to end a final that both teams deserved to win. But as the saying goes “That’s the way the ball bounces”. Liverpool were champions again. The Man of the Match, undoubtedly, Steven Gerrard.

HE

Posted in Uncategorized on March 23, 2006 by Tony Sebastian

Prologue: I wrote this for a creative writing contest…the specifications 400-500 words…should contain the words bird flu, Narain Karthikeyan, rang de basanti, should end with like they say “An eye for an eye”
The character in the story is poorly …um purely fictional… it SUX but its my first attempt at fiction
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He lives in a strange world, far away from the one he had once known. It was beautiful then… each word uttered was meaningful. Gone are those days when “good morning” came from the heart and was supplemented with a lovely smile. Now they were but two miserable words which lacked emotion, like a portrait by a chained artist. The emotion wants to break free but the creator is weak, for he is in chains, the same chains he once put on himself. He didn’t know it back then ofcourse. He was but innocent, oblivious to the consequences. One single mistake was all it took, and he never got a second chance to change it. It was the greed that did him in. He was young and careless. He chose to erect tall walls, all he needed then was a fortress to protect his treasure. Little did he know that the walls would block the magnificient horizon beyond. Or was he aware? Either way he didn’t care back then.

A vision from the good old days came to his mind in a fleeting invocation of memory. An “18 till i die!!” T-shirt adorned his body. He was at his friend’s house. They were going to watch a movie that fay. He still remembered the name. How could he
not? for it was a massive hit – ‘Rang de basanti’… “Dude what’s with the Narain Karthikeyan poster? He’s such a loser!” “OH cmon he should actually be the F1 champion… he finishes his races before the others are even half way through!” “Dude he retires!!” “oh Po-tah-toes po-tey-toes” “what a PJ!” he laughed nonetheless. The movie was one which he enjoyed. “I’ll be like them someday..I’ll change the world” he told his friends over dinner.No one disagreed, he was talented. “The chicken is heavenly” he said. “yeah, with bird flu around, it might just take you to heaven” “It’s worth dying for dude!!” more laughter. small things used to make him happyHe smiled a lot back then. He was contented. It was then that he met his nemesis – money. Money chain was the first step.(He would realise only later how apt the name was). He made a lot of money. The fact that it was his fellow being’s tears that filled his pocket didn’t seem to bother him one bit. He moved on to other businesses, mostly unethical and illegal. He was on a permanent high and no sky coul limit him. With the money came the vices as well smoke, booze, dope, gals , he had them all, all over the world. The only thing he lost was himself – his smile, his charm and the knowledge that happiness comes from sharing. He no longer slept, he was restless, the more he amassed, the more he wanted…

He sits in front of a mirror, looking at a disheveled, shrunk, ghostly image ofa man. He lifted his hands, they were bloody. He looked down and saw the body he had slain, his own flesh and blood – his own brother. He had become a murderer!!! His face
was expressionless and then from somewhere he heard his brother’s voice “Why?? Why are you doing this??” the sound caused the avalanche… and he cried…cried like a child. After a long time he finally felt human again. In the distance he heard a church bell chime… he saw his mother and himself, a little kid… his mother whispered into his ears…”how much ever you have sinned, however broken you are, look up to God and he will forgive you and take you up n his arms” As his whole life
flashed before him he decided… even if God forgave him , he could never forgive himself. He felt weak and as the knife cut through his flesh he enjoyed the pain. He laughed like a madman… Jungle justice, which once seemed silly to him, was
all he could see…like they say “An eye for an eye”