Archive for August, 2005

LOVE – Loss Of Valuable Energy??

Posted in Uncategorized on August 29, 2005 by Tony Sebastian

Two days ago I had a rather interesting discussion with an old friend of mine – a sensible female and just for the record I belong to the group of people who think that that class is a rarity).The crux of our chat was about love, its various manifestations and how different people think differently about love. Ofcourse love here is synonymous only with attraction of the opposite sexes and does not conside filial and sympathetic affections.My friend was telling me how she believed in the so called ‘true love’ concept, that it was the most divine feeling ever – a state so wonderful that it could not be defined.Love aroused the poet in a person, made everything look rosier, made you chirpier , happier and the mere sight of the object of your admiration took you to cloud 999…Love was so beautiful, so lovely , so addictive!!when in love you don’t care about food or work or play..you are content & replete with joy.
But then pops up the simple question – don’t drugs do the same thing?I have never tried it myself and never want to either and Iam sure most of my readers would agree that it is a monstrous curse to mankind. Why do we feel very differently about two things which function exactly in the same way??Drugs give you lovely dreams,it holds you with your magical powers and in the end leaves you crippled!!
I can hear millions of lovers all over the world screaming “BLASPHEMY!!!!” and would say that even thinking what i said is abominable. Iam no grinch but what i said just now was totally based on my personal experiences which have been disastrous to say the least.I loved truly and i know it. It was definitely not a mere crush.She was not the prettiest but i have to say she was special and extra nice.I was infatuated for a good two years before i had the courage to tell her..I admit I acted like a total loser but I still maintain she had no reason to turn me down…but love doesn’t listen to reason..how else could anyone explain the fact that I started writing weird stuff and my mind was fully occupied by her and Iwould give up anything to see her??And believe me the turn down was awful!!It led to an inevitable crash and burn and it took me an eternity to recover and I swore to myself – I’d never fall in love again.
But as things would turn out, here I was discussing with ‘her’ best friend about love..and how guys are always more into physical stuff and don’t consider relations seriously..I know she is right I tell myself half the time I want a girlfriend.The major chunk of this could be attributed to the new insanely desperate campus where the female sex is an endangered species and the pretty ones are nearly extinct.What i wanted now was a short fling, zero commitment , total fun!
But isn’t that the most unethical and hideous thought ever? The romantic in me gives me an emphatic yes. It is against my beliefs and character. The world that I think I want is one where mirror shattering material like me would never have even a semblance of a chance.
It is obvious that I’m confused because I was, and still am, distraught because a guy I know, whose hate club would break all membership records, has a girlfriend -the only reason I can think of is that he looks good (the reader may be tricked into believing that I’m being biased and jealous here, but I’m sure the hundreds of members of the above mentioned clandestine club woul be equally vociferous in echoing my sentiments!). I,who clapped and cheered like a kid when i watched the climax of shrek (where princess Fiona changes into an ogre)could definitely not be sane if I’m talking of flings!The same I who knows very well that I can never be a flirt in real life and that I’m always sincere and committed to relations cannot be serious.Wouldn’t my conscience rise up against me and slap me in the face??It most definitely would.
A fling is but the easy alternative a person chooses when he wants the fringe benefits only and not the responsibilities.It is real selfish and a SIN. Isn’t that why it is so attractive??May be i just went slightly off track here because this definitely doesn’t constitute love!
But why does love still captivate me?Why do i secretly wish I would fall in love though I know the path is not laden just with roses but huge thorns as well?? It is definitely not an integral part of live at this point in time…I know my parents want to and will choose my life partner… I look at my parents and see the happiest couple I’ve ever known and they definitely weren’t in love until their parents arranged their marriage.But the magic of love still remains the most wonderful feeling etched in my heart..i still would say true love is no mere dream..it might just take some people longer to find it.
The reasoning voice will always say love is a waste of time,money and resources…the romantic one will say it makes life beautiful…
A wondrous garden??A bottle of wine??A necessary evil??A hidden trap?
The arguement will continue and I would agree that love makes the world go round!!!

Do nice guys finish at all??

Posted in Uncategorized on August 23, 2005 by Tony Sebastian

I woke up this morning…yawn..a long boring day of classes awaited me…nothing like
a good bath to start things off i thought.so i grabbed my stuff and went to the set of hostel
bathrooms.As luck would have it every single one of them was occupied.Atleast i was first in
queue.I waited a good 10 minutes before a bathroom door finally opened..and then out of nowhere a guy just popped up and went in “hey I was first in line!!” I said..”please man I’ve got class at 8 u know how Profs. are in ECE please can’t you go in after me??” I hated this!!I just couldn’t say no!!Another 10 minutes later I was still waiting there and realised i couldn’t make the first hour if I didn’t get dressed soon.No bath, no breakfast but atleast I was attending the first hour after a loooong time.I got dressed and waited for my roomie to finish..we got out of the block together.A long walk lay before us at the end of which we would be attending the most
boring lectures ever.Vinu, one of my statemates passed by on a cycle “hey Tony, u want a lift?”
he asked.I said no ofcourse because i didn’t want to desert my roomie.Although two days back he behaved very differently in a similar situation with a reversal of roles.But the nice guy in me
wouldn’t let me do that.Atleast i had set an example.. I was proud of myself. Just then my roomie said “hey Vinu, I want a lift.” Oh boy!This was just great!!No bath,no breakfast and I was stranded in the middle of nowhere!!But atleast i was still a nice guy!That counted for something or did it??
Two days back when another classmate of mine was late for a lab i waited for him on his request and both of us were promptly kicked out of the lab for being five minutes late!!The day before that my junior,who was on stage in a competition, pointed a finger and called me a monkey in front of a 350 strong crowd!!!It was all in light humour ofcourse but that was not the way a junior was supposed to behave in RP(read ragging period).My batchmates and seniors wanted to ‘handle’ him.Again the nice guy in me came to the fore and stopped them. ‘A mere verbal caution would be enough’ I assured them.My seniors told me i was crazy..my roomie and classmates made fun of me for days together but i really didn’t care.And now walking the road to class that never seemed to end, all these came to my mind in a fleeting reinvocation of memory..
I reached class and found to my delight that the prof was not there..the first hour had been cancelled!!It was a bright day after all!!I could have my breakfast now.I carefully made my way to the mess determined to avoid the canteen at all costs.I was reminded of the previous night’s dinner when my friend actually made me pay his bill…ofcourse there were others around but probably not many suckers like me I guess!!The previous day a 100 rupee note from my wallet had transformed into tea and snacks for 20 ppl in the cafeteria!!I made my way back from the mess.’Mess’ is an ideal name.The food was horrible but i would live.On my way to the next class my roomie showed me ‘something’ in his bag that made me open my mouth wide..2 mins later when he checked his bag, ‘it’ was gone..he had let ‘it’ drop on the road!!!when we reached the lecture hall the girls were giggling at my roomie and me!!Ever the opportunist,he shouted out “Tony dropped ‘it'” and the tables had been turned!!I was the culprit now!!I was trying to prove my innocence and my roomie was ahouting even louder when the prof showed up and said “Tony, you shouldn’t shout in class blah blah blah…” just my luck my roomie did all the shouting and i get shouted at!!!The only relief was that i found out the girls were giggling for a completely different reason!!
May be it was time I shed the nice guy bit because it was most definitely not helping!!May be it was time i became ‘SMARTER’ like my roomie…more suitable to the real world.May be that was the right way..perhaps i should start putting down my foot firmly…what’s the use of being a nice guy anyway??People think you are dumb and worthless even when you know perfectly well what you are doing things that way because you choose to!!Why shouldn’t I retort when a drunk batchmate hits me hard on the back??Why should I do things to make him happy??Why should i walk with a friend to the ‘ciggi’ point when i absolutely detest smoking??Why should I walk back with my roomie all the way to the room from class and then walk back when I’d have saved 15 mins had I gone directly to the library.
I walked back to my room with these questions looming large…i was seriously
contemplating a complete change of character.But then i realised i had no reason to!!i was happy where i was. I knew people liked me…I knew being nice was no flaw at all…because u have to be
nice to people on the way up for you will meet them when you come down…because being meek is a sign of strength and if a smart guy thinks that a nice guy wont ever finish coz the nice guy just disappeared from the rear view mirror, i believe its because the nice guy has taken a short cut which will eventually put him ahead of the rest!!