HE

Prologue: I wrote this for a creative writing contest…the specifications 400-500 words…should contain the words bird flu, Narain Karthikeyan, rang de basanti, should end with like they say “An eye for an eye”
The character in the story is poorly …um purely fictional… it SUX but its my first attempt at fiction
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He lives in a strange world, far away from the one he had once known. It was beautiful then… each word uttered was meaningful. Gone are those days when “good morning” came from the heart and was supplemented with a lovely smile. Now they were but two miserable words which lacked emotion, like a portrait by a chained artist. The emotion wants to break free but the creator is weak, for he is in chains, the same chains he once put on himself. He didn’t know it back then ofcourse. He was but innocent, oblivious to the consequences. One single mistake was all it took, and he never got a second chance to change it. It was the greed that did him in. He was young and careless. He chose to erect tall walls, all he needed then was a fortress to protect his treasure. Little did he know that the walls would block the magnificient horizon beyond. Or was he aware? Either way he didn’t care back then.

A vision from the good old days came to his mind in a fleeting invocation of memory. An “18 till i die!!” T-shirt adorned his body. He was at his friend’s house. They were going to watch a movie that fay. He still remembered the name. How could he
not? for it was a massive hit – ‘Rang de basanti’… “Dude what’s with the Narain Karthikeyan poster? He’s such a loser!” “OH cmon he should actually be the F1 champion… he finishes his races before the others are even half way through!” “Dude he retires!!” “oh Po-tah-toes po-tey-toes” “what a PJ!” he laughed nonetheless. The movie was one which he enjoyed. “I’ll be like them someday..I’ll change the world” he told his friends over dinner.No one disagreed, he was talented. “The chicken is heavenly” he said. “yeah, with bird flu around, it might just take you to heaven” “It’s worth dying for dude!!” more laughter. small things used to make him happyHe smiled a lot back then. He was contented. It was then that he met his nemesis – money. Money chain was the first step.(He would realise only later how apt the name was). He made a lot of money. The fact that it was his fellow being’s tears that filled his pocket didn’t seem to bother him one bit. He moved on to other businesses, mostly unethical and illegal. He was on a permanent high and no sky coul limit him. With the money came the vices as well smoke, booze, dope, gals , he had them all, all over the world. The only thing he lost was himself – his smile, his charm and the knowledge that happiness comes from sharing. He no longer slept, he was restless, the more he amassed, the more he wanted…

He sits in front of a mirror, looking at a disheveled, shrunk, ghostly image ofa man. He lifted his hands, they were bloody. He looked down and saw the body he had slain, his own flesh and blood – his own brother. He had become a murderer!!! His face
was expressionless and then from somewhere he heard his brother’s voice “Why?? Why are you doing this??” the sound caused the avalanche… and he cried…cried like a child. After a long time he finally felt human again. In the distance he heard a church bell chime… he saw his mother and himself, a little kid… his mother whispered into his ears…”how much ever you have sinned, however broken you are, look up to God and he will forgive you and take you up n his arms” As his whole life
flashed before him he decided… even if God forgave him , he could never forgive himself. He felt weak and as the knife cut through his flesh he enjoyed the pain. He laughed like a madman… Jungle justice, which once seemed silly to him, was
all he could see…like they say “An eye for an eye”

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7 Responses to “HE”

  1. for an on the spot thingy,it was good.
    hmmm,ur talking about this guy reflecting ….and regretting..
    reminds me of lady macbeth.
    🙂

  2. that was a GOOD attempt at fiction.
    y’kno, the theme is pretty good, why dont you think about it a bit more and write PROPAH fiction about it? without a time constraint, i mean.

  3. For on the spot thing GOOD..
    But you know next time you try to fit in words,let them be more continuous..As in there seemed to be a lack in flow..Went to watch RDB..Then look around to spot his sis and then spotting NK poster..Or some crap in between..Having an awesome dinner and friend wants to finish off his one month old chicken curry in the fridge..And then bird flu

    This is purely IMHO..So if I am being critical you can take all your revenge on my PL who reviews my document and makes me rework it hazzar times(Continuity is one thing in docs..)

  4. hmmm… first of all i dont agree wid u on a lot of points.. most importantly “gals” as a vice.. ya wateva… u knw wat then the whole concept of havin girlfriends.. is a vice.. but wat the fuck do the guys care.. its the gal who is called names in society.. guys are such hypocrites.. for girlfriends they want Angelina Jolie types, n for wife’s sati Savitri… n yea any gal who goes out wid a guy becomes “cheap” … n the entire process of going out wid gals is a vice.. sad!!!

    ok.. i guess i kinda went off track.. post was decent.. though u shudnt have tried to put in all the words u need to use in writin all in a single para.. it seemed like an effort…. also u shud remove the prologue.. ur are already prejudicing ur readers.. let them make their own opinion na of ur writin….

    hmmm after all the critical analysis.. i ll tell u wat i liked in the post..” how much ever you have sinned, however broken you are, look up to God and he will forgive you and take you up n his arms “.. i sincerely hope tat is true..

  5. Hello Mr. Tony. Reading your blog for the first time. That means : time for me to put a link!

  6. Hi Ton,
    First of all it does not suck, its a great piece for an Impromptu.
    Second of all, even if you take out bird flu, Narain Karthikeyan and rang de basanti; it still is the same story (meaning they are words for word’s sake). And to end it with “An eye for an eye” you killed the Brother?
    Still I am amazed by what you came up with; in what, 5-10 mins. (If I had attempted the same, I would have had exactly 12 words to write not 400-500 :)). Keep your Blogs comming.

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